Let me Fall

There is something hear wrenching about the in between

The liminal space of questioning and uncertainty that makes your stomach turn

What is it about waiting?

Floating in the seas of questions, not knowing if a storm will overtake you in a moment

Trusting that with every wave you wont be overcome

Knowing that he who made the waters cares for those floating

Maybe the waters are the cutting and testing of my heart to see what she trusts in

But i'd be remiss to ask if there wasn't an easier way to inspect whats inside

Why must it be so painful to wait

Even the most faithful and trusting have a moment where they consider the worst

When they feel forsaken and misunderstood

When the notion of control is completely swept up from under you

And you are left to exist in the frozen state of slipping 

Unsure if it will be the ground you reach your hands down to or to your Father to whom you reach up

The floor has the same outcome every time, pain but reliable pain

If we were to reach up would anyone actually be there?

I tried it last week and it still seemed as if I was falling

But isn't it worth trying if we know the true pain of falling 

The fallen falling once again and forgetting the faithfulness of the Father 

We have seen this story before and we know the ending

The sea, the rock, the bread, the sick, the blind the hungry

The healing, the freeing, the peace, and the joy 

Suddenly something that feels like a distant dream and not the life we live in his arms

Maybe if I learned to fall better I would know how to reach up more

Perhaps that's the point of it all

To fall and fall again and learn who it is that will catch me

Who it is that is trustworthy 

So maybe I should ask to fall

Plead that I would slip and have the control taken from my weak and useless hands 

It's better in his anyways

It feels as if falling is scary when we must wait for the response

But the choice to respond is ours

His hands are as close as ever we just choose to reach up and not down

To reach for him for our safety and not the ground who has continually left us scarred 

Let me fall

That I may know who my heart belongs to

So that I may evaluate whom I trust more

Myself or my Father

Let me fall and when I reach up would you catch me?

Would you be so kind as to wrap me in your arms and collect all of me behind your love?

Your power is made perfect in my weakness

So let me fall